reluctantly

Monday, April 26, 2010 (6:47 a.m.)

Blessed God,

I am here. Reluctantly. Lacking enthusiasm. Thank You that I get to come before You with even this and be reminded that You love a cheerful giver (2Corinthians 9:7).

Lord thank You for continuing to love me even as my heart closes in around itself in that feeble attempt to save it from all conflict and pain. This is not what You have called me to!

A small smile is breaking out across my face as I read the bookend verses here. “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” (v.6) “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” (v.8)

Dearest Lord. Sitting here with You, reading Your Word, being reminded that all the power I need to be able to give freely of my time and resources is found in You. Lord, You lead me from one truth to another. Providing my every single need.

As I look to You this morning, I am again reminded of something the Whosoevers said last night at “PRAY HARD-Redlands”. Before I reach out, I need to reach up. To You!

I confess Lord. I truly thought I had been. Now it all seems like such a blur. I have such a heart that wants to help. But I don’t have good boundaries. I keep thinking it’s up to me to figure it all out before I say or do anything. So instead I’ve been doing nothing. I think hard. I work hard. And yes, lately, I’ve even been worrying and avoiding hard.

So here I am Lord, far less reluctantly than I began. Enthusiasm is just around the corner, sadly still held at bay by the giant invisible ‘what if’ factor. Lord, let me trade my fear of ‘what if’ for the truth of Your Word. Your love, Your Son, Your promise of everlasting life are all tied together in John 3:16. Let me again live each day as one of Your blessed ‘whosoever believeth in Him’.

I love You so much Dear Lord. Thank You for loving me first! Amen.

(379 words ~ 8:16 a.m.)