starting

Friday, January 22, 2010 (4:34 a.m.)

Beloved God,

I don’t know where to start this morning. I’ve gotten so used to waking up with a song or a thought, a word or a phrase that I really don’t know where to begin. By starting, of course!

Thank You Lord. I love getting to turn in Your Word. Scouring for what You would have me know. There’s so much Dear Lord. Will You guide and direct me to what You would have me see this morning?

I read some of the Preacher/Teacher’s (Solomon?) thoughts

Monday, January 25, 2010 (6:55 a.m.)

And then I promptly gave up and avoided You for several days. Forgive me Lord. You deserve far better from me than avoidance.

Thank You for a new day, a fresh start. Let’s see if I can finally finish what I started last week. Yes?

To begin with, I love You. I wasn’t willing to say that the other day. I didn’t want it to sound manufactured or fake. I don’t even remember what was going on that kept me reserved in expressing myself to You. But today I can say it without reservation. I love You Lord.

Thank You for allowing me such grace. Lord, I’ve thought about You all this time. I’ve entered Your Word trying to make sense of why it feels like I’m avoiding You. I start to read and then feel frustrated and want to give up again.

Speak to me I pray, Dear Lord. In words You have for me. In the way You know I need to be able to continue here with You each day.

I miss the peace I normally experience in our time together. I confess to feeling unsettled, even agitated, with You. That’s how I usually feel without You! Guide me. Direct me to what it is You have to say to me. Don’t let my own understanding of anything get in the way of what it is You want me to know.

I DO love You God! Unsettled. Uneasy. Displaced. Displeased. Lots of other feelings all laid here on Your altar of love. I don’t know where in Your Word You would have me turn. I don’t know where to start.

And just like I ignored the Sound of Music song in my head on Friday, I’m tempted to disregard it again right now. Thinking I know better, it seems easier for me to continue searching Your Word for what I think You’d have me find.

Instead I will heed the song and ♫start at the very beginning. A very good place to start…♫ Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” Thank You God.

Thank You that You have always known what You are doing. From the very beginning, when You first started creating things. You knew what needed to come first. You are “not a God of disorder but of peace” (1Corinthians 14:33).

Lord, I confess to not understanding my ‘short fuse’ of late. I bring to You my irritation with people, places and things. I offer up to You the wretchedness I’ve been trying so hard to hide from You, as well as myself. Yes Lord, ♫Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.♫

Order me this day dearest Lord. My heart, my soul, my mind and my strength that I would love You as You command (Mark 12:30). As much as I love You already, purify it (me) and make me whole.

Thank You for Your patience with me and especially Your love. I love You so much. Amen.

(599 words ~ 8:09 a.m.)