looking

Thursday, September 3, 2009 (5:46 a.m.)

Healing Lord,

What time was it that I woke up singing “Healing Waters”? And now I am paused wondering if a title could be “Living Water”. Hm, God, I don’t know. Funny. I was so sure of myself. Now I’m stumped. Stopped. Derailed. Humbled.

Yes Lord. I’d rather come before You humbled. “Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord… And He will lift you up Higher and higher And He will lift You up”. Then a shift in tune and the next thing I know I’m singing, “Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord We will wait upon the Lord We will wait upon the Lord Our God, You reign forever Our Hope Our Strong Deliverer You are the everlasting God The everlasting God You do not faint You won’t grow weary You’re the defender of the weak You comfort those in need You lift us up on wings like eagles” (Isaiah 40:31).

And I’m floundering in it all Oh Lord.

Friday, September 4, 2009 (6:00 a.m.)

Hi Lord,

Getting ‘derailed’ for not being able to find a song I’m looking for doesn’t seem like such a good and balanced place to be. Father, I am looking to You instead. Looking at the beauty of a fire-stormed caused sky. Lord, I look to You all the while confessing how afraid I’m feeling. Yes Lord. Fear. Again.

There are so many things I have no control over. You are so good. So faithful. I am so flawed. So easily distracted.

There once was a time that I was certain, so sure that I knew what I thought I knew. I’m not there any more Lord. Now I doubt most things. Even my own decision-making ability. Maybe that’s a good thing.

It puts me back to fearing You. Fully esteeming and revering You. Mm. Thank You Lord. Thank You that in all things You are able. I may not be. But You are. Thank You.

Thank You that even though I fought coming back in here to You, here I am. Thank You that my desire to be faithful to You is stronger than any current fear I may have of not being worthy of Your love and affection.

Thank You for the reminder that I am to ‘rely on the power of the Holy Spirit’ (Romans 8:4) in all things! I tend to forget that so often Lord. I keep falling back into the trap that has me thinking that it’s all up to me to get things right. How grateful I am to You Dear Lord for Your kind and generous patience with me!

Paul’s letter to the Romans continues to remind me that I am to ‘experience life on God’s terms’ (8:10). Eugene Peterson’s The Message puts Romans 8:15-16 this way, “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike ‘What’s next, Papa?’ God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are.”

With the various translations at my disposal right now Lord, how I look expectantly to verse 16, “For His Holy Spirit speaks to us deep in our hearts and tells us we really are God’s children.” Being reminded of such honor and privilege, once again I come before You singing wholeheartedly, “All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give; I will ever love and trust Him, In His presence daily live. I surrender all, I surrender all. All to Thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all.”

Thank You for loving me so much oh Lord. Thank You for encouraging me to look to You for all my needs. I love You Lord. So much! Amen.

(620 words ~ 6:57 a.m.)