curse / shame

Friday, August 5, 2011 (10:20 a.m.)

Awesome, Wonderful God,

I need You. I want You. I love You. I thank and praise You. And sadly, far too often I curse You. Yikes! Did I just confess that? Yes Lord. I complain. I mope. I pout. I kick and scream. Then I get fed up and I curse.

Lord, I am having some serious difficulty letting go. Things are piling up around me. There is stuff that needs to be put (or GIVEN!) away. Issues need to be dealt with. “Grown up stuff” that I don’t know how to do. Help me Lord. This simply putting one foot in front of the other is NOT working!

Saturday, August 6, 2011 (7:37 a.m.)

So I went on to struggle with the word. Looking up its meaning I realize that I DO ‘utter offensive words in anger or annoyance’. Again, here I sit and ponder.

Lord, I DO love You. AND thank and praise You. Talk to me more about this whole letting go process. I worked at being ruthless yesterday, which made me wonder about its root, RUTH: – a feeling of pity, distress, or grief; from the verb RUE: bitterly regret. Wow! Look at me. I can go from cursing to rueful in no time at all.

Lord God, I DO want to be the woman You created me to be. Far too often I set out to accomplish that mission on my own. In a self-attempted effort to ‘cowgirl up’ and ‘be all I can be’, I fall short. Thank You Lord for reminding me that You are SO much bigger and better than any of the plans I can try to manufacture for myself.

Turning to Your Word [ALWAYS the best place for me J] I find myself encouraged by Isaiah again. Looking in the Topical Index of The Life Recovery Bible, I am intrigued by SHAME. Truly Lord, do You see me as shame-based? I wonder.

Twelve Step Devotionals offered under this title list: Step 3 – Redeeming the Past, Step 5 – Feelings of Shame, Step 7 – Into the Open, Step 10 – Repeated Forgiveness. Recovery Principles offer ‘Hope’ and ‘Love’. Lord, You are so good. Every time I start to list ALL the reasons I don’t deserve to be loved as You love me, You show me truth that has stood the test of time.

Isaiah 54 (4-8) tells of Glory Ahead. “Past shame will be forgotten as God, with deep compassion, recalls her (Israel) to an endless relationship” (The Illustrated Bible Handbook). Chapter 55 describes Your Invitation to the Thirsty. Lord, I AM thirsty for Your peace and joy! I can’t just ‘think’ myself there.

Your Word tells me that You will redeem our past. You pardon abundantly. You clear our messes. You refresh us and give us the courage we need to go on. This I ask You Dearest Lord. I have made messes I have no hope of clearing up on my own! I give it all to You, Blessed Lord. Asking, seeking, knocking, trusting You to do in and for me that which I can’t possibly do for myself. Rid me of the shame. Fill the empty places of my heart with Your best.

I love You so very much Dearest Lord. Remove the cursing and the shame “as far as the east is from the west” (Psalm 103:12). Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(573 words ~ 8:29 a.m.)