rest

Wednesday, March 31, 2010 (5:30 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Good morning. Thanks for sleep. Thanks for rest. Thanks for Your love. Thanks for growth and support and hope and joy. Thanks for You Lord! Thanks for You.

Thank You for music Lord. Thank You for the music You bring to my soul. Music that brings a smile to my face and hope to my heart.

Lord, I confess I took another bypass through the internet just now. Is it avoidance Lord? Am I attempting to hide these past few days? People are going to give me a pass. Not too many are going to question any of my decisions of how I spend my time because of the whole mourning and grief process.

I don’t want to hide Lord. Not from You. Not from the grief. Not from all the work that is to be done. Thank You that I get to come before You with an honest and fearful heart. I am so afraid of making a mistake. Making someone mad. So then I do nothing. Paralyzed with fear.

Oh but You’re so much better than all my fear. I don’t have to try to push it all away. No! I get to bring it all to You! Why? Because ♫You are my hiding place! You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance. Whenever I am afraid I will trust in You♫ (Psalm 31:19, 20; 32:7).

Oh Dearest Lord. Thank You! Thank You for the song that I brought to You this morning. ♫Love Lifted Me♫ Much of this past week I’ve again replaced the first two words with ♫God Gifted Me♫ in response to Your tender care and provision.

In turning to that hymn in The Hymnal, You gave me two more. ♫He Touched Me♫ and ♫Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting♫ Following the attached Scripture (Hebrews 4:9) I read of Your promised rest for Your people.

Thank You Lord. You have always known what is best and what we need. I don’t have to figure it out. I don’t have to announce unrealistic expectations for myself. I get to rest (and hide) in You, as You continue growing me in and through Your Word and Your will for me.

I get to choose (Deuteronomy 30:19). I can be afraid (death) or I can choose life. Oh that I would choose life! In You, in Your Word, in Your will and Your way!

Yes. Thank You Lord! Thank You for rest, hope and for whatever hiding I feel I need to do, let it be done in YOU!

I love You, Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(436 words ~ 7:32 a.m.)

even this

Monday, March 29, 2010 (5:17 a.m.)

I’m up and grumbling that I’m not ready to be awake yet. That is not the way I want to come before You Lord. I love You too much. You deserve far better than this. Help me get to the point of genuine thanks and praise. I do love You. I do thank You. I do praise You. Make it real. Not just words. I’m asking for a little more rest and much more devotion to You, Your will, Your way and Your Word. Thank You Lord that I can come before You with even this.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010 (4:31 a.m.)

Blessed Lord, this is the second day in a row of waking up precisely at 3:53 a.m. after having gone to bed at 11:00 p.m. I don’t know if You are wanting me to pay close attention to something in particular. I do, however, appreciate the ♫Better is one day in Your courts Better is one day in Your house Better is one day in Your courts Than thousands elsewhere♫ You’ve got going on inside me.

So very early again this morning. Just You and me. This is nice. I appreciate quiet, uninterrupted time with You. I give it away far to often in the form of checking ‘just this one thing’ on the internet. Forgive me Father.

Lord, this week marks the time of Your triumphant entry into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, (beginning at Luke 19:28) coming in peace to the cheers of Your people. How sad, that just days later, these same people cried out for Your crucifixion. Lord, thank You that the story does not end on the note of Your death.

Thank You that three days later the cries were changed to the joy of Your having defeated death and risen from Your grave (Luke 24:12).

Lord, how I thank You for the hope that is found in You. “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22) is the kind of fruit that is produced in us by Your Holy Spirit. Thank You for providing us with every single thing we need to live even one day in Your house.

I read Your Word Dear Lord and I hope. I sing (or is it You singing to me?) the truth of Psalm 84:10 and I marvel at Your gentle care toward each of us.

Make me worthy of Your Truth Lord. Continue Your work in drawing me into becoming the woman of Yours for which You have designed me.

♫Better is one day in Your courts Better is one day in Your house Better is one day in Your courts Than thousands elsewhere.♫ Just the thought of even this song brings untold beauty, hope and joy to my heart. Keep working in me I pray dear Lord.

I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(477 words ~ 5:12 a.m.)

safely home again

Palm Sunday, March 28, 2010 (5:30 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

We are safely home again. Thank You. Thank You for time away. But thank You mostly for time with You. Mm. Yes, Lord! No matter when or where we are, I always get to be with You.

I confess Lord. I think I take for granted this privilege of being with You whenever or wherever I want. At the very same time though, I am grateful Lord! You provide every single thing we need.

Reading Your Word comforts and strengthens. Just now, a HUGE smile crossed my face as a near giggle of affirming truth erupted while reading about Your promise to Your people in Ezekiel (34:16). “I will seek my lost (I read ‘loved’) ones, those who strayed away, and bring them safely home again. I will put splints and bandages upon their broken limbs and heal the sick. And I will destroy the powerful, fat shepherds; I will feed them, yes – feed them punishment!”

Oh Dearest Lord. I count on You. I depend on You for strength and power and refreshment. YOU are the source of all hope! I read the commentary of this particular section of Scripture and I am once again buoyed and encouraged by Your Truth. “Even though… Jerusalem had fallen… and the people had no real hope for the future – God had given His people a promise that could be counted on. No matter what our circumstances, we can be assured of God’s constant care and concern for us.”

I believe this Lord. Truly, I count and depend on this! YOU are our hope! YOU are our future. YOU bring us safely home again. Thank You for loving us so much!

Thank You for the celebration of what this day stands for. Thank You for the remembrance of what this coming week means. You so loved each of us to the point of ultimate sacrifice - rejection, scorn, crucifixion, death – that our sins could be buried with You and we could live victoriously in the light of Your resurrection.

Lord, this is a gift of no recompense. I can never thank You enough. I am unable to pay You back for such an honor and privilege. Empower and enable me to live each day as the extravagant prize that it is. How I thank You Lord! How I praise and love You.

Thank You for once more bringing us safely home again. I love You. Amen.

(412 words ~ 6:40 a.m.)

headed home

Saturday, March 27, 2010 (6:21 a.m.)

Sapphire Princess Stateroom Baja 435

Just outside Los Angeles Harbor

Blessed Lord,

So here we are. Headed home. Oh that we would take all the precautions and preparations to go home to You as we do in going home to our earthly places.

Lord God, I love You so much. We’ve had a wonderful time. Even my ‘end of trip syndrome’ symptoms have been held to a low minimum, for which I thank You very much.

Going home. Headed home. Sitting. Waiting. Wondering. Planning. Hoping. Smiling. Hmm, Lord. Asking. I’m asking for Your guidance. Your direction. Your hand on our decisions. Our plans. Our commitments. Mm. Lord. Let me put a ‘Y’ in front of that word and make it YOUR plans. Your goals. Your desires for how we would spend the time, energy and health You have provided us.

Lord, I confess to feeling extremely uncomfortable when faced with the varying degrees of poverty we came across this trip. Turning away from it wasn’t an option. Neither was smiling in the face of it.

Blessed God, You have given me this heart that cares. It is soft. Sensitive. Make it useful Lord. I truly don’t know what You would have me do with all You have given me. As we are headed home thinking of all there is to take care of, Lord how I ask that You guide and direct our every move.

I love You. I trust You. I long to serve You in such a way that when I finally am home with You that I will be greeted with those wonderful words You have prepared for those with whom You are well pleased. “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

Use me Lord that I would be truly good and faithful. Serving You well. Show me. Guide me. Direct me. Instill in me all that I need to be truly good. Truly faithful.

I love You Lord. Thank You for this special time together as we are headed home.

Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(346 words ~ 6:59 a.m.)

gift

Sunday, March 21, 2010 (7:45 a.m.)

Sapphire Princess Baja 435

En route to Puerto Vallarta, Mx.

Mm, God,

I’ve been saying it all week. “What a gift.” “It was such a blessing.” Gift. Blessing. Perfect words. Used interchangeably.

Thank You Lord that You would put us into such a position of experiencing the death of a much loved mother with such awe and seeming ease. I continue telling people that I don’t know what it’s going to be like for me when the reality of it all finally hits, but right now Lord I’m still thanking You for the genuine gift of these past few years.

I confess to You Lord, I’m not always calm in my reactions to things. I don’t readily embrace negativity. In fact, all truth be told, I tend to run from it ~ as quickly and as far away as possible.

You, Dear Lord, have enabled me to open my arms wide and welcome these most recent turns of events. A true gift. You provided me the gift of music, in the form of The Theme to A Summer Place. What a gift. A true, genuine gift!

♫Bells will be ringing and birds will be singing when lovers discover that There’s a Summer Place where it can rain or storm and I’ll be safe and warm…♫

Wednesday, March 24, 2010 (6:04 a.m.)

Mazatlan Harbor, MX

Mm, yes. A place where we can all be safe and warm. That sounds like anywhere with You. Thank You Lord for the gift of another song that takes me right to the foot of Your throne.

Beloved God, as I prepare to take a tour of this port city in honor of my husband’s birthday I thank You for the gift that he is. Thank You for the gift of our relationship, the gift of Your love that binds us all together. Blessed Lord, thank You for the very best gifts of all, the gifts of being loved by and being able to love You!

Friday, March 26, 2010 (6:43 a.m.)

En route to Port of Los Angeles, CA

Again I say, “What a gift!” Lord, You truly gifted me with the timing of this most recent trip. Thank You for the opportunity to rest and rejuvenate. Thank You for love and laughter. Thank You for Your gift of kindnesses and pleasure, found in the simplest of places.

Thank You for the intelligence and excitement of a four-year-old boy touring the coast of Los Cabos, MX with his grandparents. Thank You for a non-peopled pool in which to swim upon our return from said tour. Thank You for other big ships (Oosterdam, Mariner of the Sea) to see and marvel at.

Lord, all of this week has been such a gift. From the whales, dolphins, hammerhead shark, jelly fish and unknown fish shooting out of the water like popcorn to an occasional ‘drink of the day’, Lord I have been blessed by it all. We’ve had waters that were as calm and reflective as glass, followed by the rougher one of this morning, complete with white caps. Still I thank You Lord.

Thank You for the smiles and conversations of strangers. Thank You for the tugged laughter of entertainers. Thank You for the many times I’ve thanked You already for having brought Mom on a similar, shorter trip just three and a half months ago.

I guess maybe the biggest gift I currently have for which to thank You is the one of no regrets. You provided me the acceptance with which to fully embrace the first few months of this year truly caring about my mom. You allowed me to get passed the place of tolerance and tension to the point of pure joy and anticipation. Thank You Lord.

Thank You for the gift of love and the day she and I spent redefining our relationship in the light of Your Word and the description Paul left for us in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.

I have in my hand the gift of Your Word. Your gift to plant, nurture and grow us. By far the greatest gift, for “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” (John 1:1) I don’t profess to even know the meaning behind these words Lord, but I do confess to standing on them.

Lord, I depend on Your Word to be true. I count on You and Your Word to take us through every single obstacle and trial. I find hope and rest when I turn these pages, seeking You, Your will and Your way.

This morning especially I am looking again at 2 Corinthians 9:7 and Colossians 2:6-7. You provide for our every need and I am truly grateful. Lord, how I thank You for the gift of each day and all that it may hold. How I ask right now that You would continue to ‘bless, keep and make Your face shine upon us, being gracious to us, showing us Your favor and giving us Your peace’ (Numbers 6:24-26).

You’re a gift I tell You! A gift. Pure and simple. What a gift! Such a blessing. Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(871 words ~ 8:08 a.m.)

rest

Friday, March 19, 2010 (6:30 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

Thank You that as upset as I feel right now with those around me, You could help me smile with the simplicity of these three numbers. 630. Thank You Lord. I am looking to You right now for rest. It eluded me most of the early morning and now it’s much too late to try for any more.

So, I look to You. This family needs rest from the emotional (could it truly even be spiritual?) warfare that would keep me awake most of the dark time.

I confess. I’m tired. Almost everything I tap out to You reminds me of something else. Rest (in peace – WE need that!) Warfare - emotional AND spiritual; dark time - as in before the sun, but even that takes me to ‘before the Son’. And so I sit. Knowing that any minute SOMETHING is going to set me off again, and so very sadly the emotion of choice I have reverted to is anger.

Lord, I confess. I’m weary of the pettiness. Tiny, little, unresolved bits of hurtfulness that have been allowed to fester and grow into ugliness. This is NOT what I want for my family. You have provided FAR too much for each of us to be behaving so badly toward one another.

I love You Lord. I need You. I look to You. Asking, seeking, knocking, (Matthew 7:7) hoping, praying for a miracle. Your miracle of love. Love that casts out all fear. Your love that according to 1John 4:18 is ‘well-formed and banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life – fear of death, fear of judgment is one not fully formed in love.’

Lord, how I look to You asking, seeking, knocking, hoping, praying, trusting that You would form this love, YOUR love in each of us today. Allow us each to experience the love, YOUR love that will make today doable for each of us.

Laying a woman who is so loved to rest is NOT going to be easy for any of us. Let it be as peaceful and truly loving as possible. I love You Lord. I need You. I trust You. I depend on You.

You Yourself said “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) That’s me Lord. I’m here for Your ‘yoke and Your teaching, for You are humble and gentle and You promise that we will find rest for our souls. For Your yoke fits perfectly, and the burden You give us is light’ (29-30).

I’m here. Sign me up for YOUR rest Lord! I love You. Thank You. Amen.

(452 words ~ 7:16 a.m.)

glory

Thursday, March 18, 2010 (6:21 a.m.)

Most Amazing God of Glory,

You are so good! Thank You for every single thing You are providing each of us in getting us to this point of acceptance. What a genuine gift it is to be able to respond to loved one’s offers of condolences with stories of how You’re blessing us.

Lord, there are no words that I can find with which to thank You for the love and joy You give to us. I continue telling people that I don’t know what it’s going to be like when the reality of the past few days finally hits me. But what I ask You now is to always allow me the opportunity to readily recall how easily smiles have been coming to me.

What a glorious gift it is Lord when I again recognize You at work behind the scenes. You truly ARE the Master! I think of the various challenges we’ve been faced with these past few years and I glory at the thought of how You’ve seen us through each of them. Growing us ever stronger every step of the way.

Take just now for instance. Not being sure that ‘glory’ could be used here appropriately as a verb I looked it up and my face immediately broke into a huge grin. ‘Take pleasure in, revel in, rejoice in, delight in, relish, savor, get a kick out of’. Yep! I GLORY at the thought!

Lord, thank You for holding us and helping us. Thank You for growing us as well. As we each do the things today that will take us into doing all that we have to do tomorrow, Lord I ask that You would settle every single internal combustion that is sure to take place. Each of us has our own way of dealing with all of this. None of us is ‘right’ in our way of grieving. Neither is anyone ‘wrong’. Every single one of us has our own way of thinking about what has to be done and when.

I confess to losing track of our time frame AND to being fearful of the outcome. Thank You for ever reminding me of the truth of 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

You are so good. I love You so much. To You be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

(411 words ~ 7:49 a.m.)

surely

Wednesday, March 17, 2010 (1:47 a.m.)

Mm, Lord,

Happy St. Patrick’s Day and all the Irishness that entails. It’s much too early (or far too late) for me to even try to make sense of my thoughts right now. So many of them are swirling around in my head.

Overall Lord, I still find myself thanking You. Thank You for people who love and care about one another. Thank You for the generosity of people on others’ behalves. Thank You for all the good so often shown in times of need.

Again You have blessed us Lord. With caring family and friends. You have provided our every need thus far and again I am trusting You with today. Thank You Lord.

As I lay and attempt to sleep, my mind randomly jumps from one thought to another. It’s amazing to me how many things can pop into mind, seemingly out of nowhere.

Two verses for me right now have to do with Mom. One is her “favorite” (because it only has two words). John 11:35 tells us specifically what is acceptable practice at the news of a loved ones death. “Jesus wept.” Imagine that. Your friend died and You were sad and cried. Thank You Lord. Thank You for leading us by Your example.

The other has to do with a homonym of my mom’s name. Psalm 23:6, “Surely goodness and mercy (love) will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” Lord, thank You for having provided me with that verse when I most needed it sometime back. Thank You for it’s truth and the comfort that is found in it.

You are such a good and perfect God. I love You so very much. Thank You for taking such tender care of each of us. Thank You for loving us so much that You provided the way for us to live with You forever. What a gift Lord! What an incredible, amazing, wonderful gift. Just like the beauty of the past three days. Clear. Majestic. Incredible. Amazing. Wonderful.

Thank You Lord. So much. Perhaps a little sleep now? Please? I love You. Amen.

(367 words ~ 2:34 a.m.)

grow

Saturday, March 13, 2010 (7:19 a.m.)

Good Morning Blessed Lord,

Help me be and do and think and feel all the things You have for me Lord. I tend to miss cues and clues. You are awesome and I take that for granted. You offer peace and I choose chaos.

Too many years ago I whined the words, “But I don’t want to be the grown-up.” This morning Lord, I have repeatedly experienced Your call for me to grow. As well as hearing the words and the chorus to ♫Let It Rise♫

Lord, I love You so much.

Monday, March 15, 2010 (7:42 a.m.)

Tuesday, March 16, 2010 (7:33 a.m.)

Most Good and Gracious God,

Thank You! So much has happened since I first started this, just those few days ago, before leaving to spend the day with my mom.

Lord, no words or thoughts can express how grateful I am to You for the ways in which You have blessed each of us these last couple of days. Scratch that… the ways in which You have blessed us all in the past, You continue blessing us now and will forevermore.

Lord, only You could have known that You would be taking Mom back to be with You on Sunday March14, 2010 at 15:15. Thank You God for every single thing You did to prepare us for her return to You.

What a blessing. Who (besides You) would have ever known that her family could come together in such a loving way to let her go as peacefully as possible? Thank You Lord for providing every sense of peace we have needed thus far.

What a gift You gave to me personally in the truth of Colossians 2:7, the verse I was reading just before I left here to go spend what turned out to be my last Saturday with Shirley. Thank You Lord.

Here I had been remembering my plaintive cry of “But I don’t want to be the grown-up” and You gave me the perfect counter to that bit of self-indulgence. “Let your roots grow down into Him (Christ) and draw nourishment from Him. See that you go on growing in the Lord, and become strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with joy and thanksgiving for all He has done.”

Again, YOU knew that I would be needing this truth just twenty-four hours later. While walking the parking lot of Arrowhead Regional Medical Center’s emergency room, my mind would immediately turn back to “But I don’t want…” Almost instantaneously Your Truth came to mind, reminding me that I needed to let my roots grow down into You. Thank You Lord. Thank You. Bless You. Praise You.

What a gift to be able to trust in You. Thank You for the opportunity to put faith into action as I held loved ones saying, “I don’t know what is going to happen. I don’t understand any of this. But I’m trusting God.” You have gifted us so perfectly.

As I sit here now, basking in the light of Your glory, my eyes drift up to verse six. “And now just as you trusted Christ to save you, trust Him, too, for each days problems; live in vital union with Him.”

Yes Lord. Bless us and keep us living in vital union with You! Thank You Lord. We love You so much. Amen.

(571 words ~ 8:48 a.m.)

(smile :)

Friday, March 12, 2010 (6:37 a.m.)

J Mm, God,

Good morning. You make me smile. I wake up again singing that ♫You alone are the matchless King♫ but that description of You isn’t listed in any of my Bible translations. As I pull up the words to the song (O Worship the King) “ineffable” sticks out to me as well.

“Indescribable, inexpressible, beyond words, indefinable, unutterable, unimaginable, breathtaking, awesome, marvelous, wonderful, staggering, amazing.” All these work together in helping me consider the vastness of You and Your love for each of us. All that is left for me is to smile.

And smile I do. All the while reading in Job of his plight and his friends’ errant conclusions of his wrongdoing and guilt. Oh most Dear and Blessed Lord, so very often I get caught in that inexplicable trap between “Faith and Reason”. Reading an entry from the ‘Theology in Brief’ section of the Bible Handbook, I J as I consider how many times I follow the same reasoning as Job and his friends regarding Your seeming punishment.

Mm, Lord how blessed I am that even as I read these things that I don’t always understand, in the very back of my mind, ever so softly, I’m reminded again that ♫You alone are the matchless King To You alone be all majesty Your glories and wonders, what tongue can recite You breathe in the air, You shine in the light♫

Lord, how I love You. How I thank You for providing us with examples that our understanding of what is ‘fair’ in our lives was actually lived by Job. Thank You that his love for You enabled him to bring the ‘big’ questions to You. “Does it please You to oppress me, to spurn the work of Your hands, while You smile on the schemes of the wicked?” (Job 10:3)

So often we get caught in what it is that we think, that we completely miss all that You are teaching and giving us in every single aspect of our lives. Lord, You are so good. So perfect. So matchless!

Oh most Holy God, how blessed I am to be able to read of Your love for all of us. I sit. I J and I thank You for yet another glimpse of Your grace and Your glory. Our understanding of who You are and why You would do what You do ‘to’ or for us is often faulty. Thank You for reminders, such as these found in Job’s suffering, that the God of our own making is clearly NOT the God You are.

Thank You Lord that truly ♫You alone are the matchless King♫ Thank You for Your willingness and ability to help each of us J

Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(466 words ~ 8:17 a.m.)

Ancient of Days

Wednesday, March 10, 2010 (5:15 a.m.)

Ancient of Days,

Thursday, March 11, 2010 (6:49 a.m.)

That title stayed with me all of yesterday. Matchless King? Yes. Shield, Defender, Maker, Redeemer and Friend? Yes, across the board yes. But Ancient of Days? That’s new to me.

We’ve sung it in church many times. In fact, it was the humming of ♫O Worship the King♫ that got me started here in the first place.

Lord. I love You. I look to You. I think about You. I long for You. But it’s when I sing to and about You that my thoughts go even deeper. Ancient of Days. Hmm.

The only place I found mention of this title was in Daniel’s dream (chapter seven; verses 9, 13 and 22) of the four beasts. Not remembering ever having read of this dream before, I look to You with a questioning smile.

There is so much I don’t know. Every single time I think I understand a little, You’re right here pointing out something new to me. Thank You Lord. Thank You that You don’t let me get too cocky in my own understanding of things. Thank You that You are the Ancient of Days and that we are to ♫worship the King, all glorious above And gratefully sing His wonderful love♫

Thinking of You as ♫Pavilioned in splendor and girded with praise♫ is easily beyond my day to day thought pattern. ♫O tell of His might, O sing of His grace Whose robe is the light and canopy space♫ Oh most Holy God, even trying to consider this vastness is far more than my limited comprehension allows.

♫His chariots of wrath the deep thunderclouds form And dark is His path on the wings of the storm♫ It’s not all sweetness and light with You. There is absolutely a division between good and evil. Because ♫You alone are the matchless King To You alone be all majesty Your glories and wonders, what tongue can recite? You breathe in the air, You shine in the light♫

Holy God, thank You for being such a Lover of our souls. ♫O measureless might, ineffable love, While angels delight to worship above Thy mercies how tender, how firm to the end Our Maker, Defender, Redeemer and Friend♫ So perfect. In every way.

Lord, thank You for Your loving care. Thank You for every single thing You do for and on our behalf. Keep working in us and through us Dear Lord. You are so perfect. Continue leading and guiding us in Your will and Your way. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(434 words ~ 8:53 a.m.)

provision

Tuesday, March 9, 2010 (6:55 a.m.)

Good Morning Lord,

Thank You. I like when the little light bulb goes on and I finally “get” something that’s going on around me that I hadn’t understood before.

You know that whole ♫Word of God speak Would You pour down like rain Washing my eyes to see Your majesty♫ Lord, I confess. Many times I feel as blind as a bat!

I like when I get those “Aha!” moments where thoughts and ideas are backed-up by Scripture. It’s at those times, when I wonder how I’m going to do something and Your Word really DOES ♫pour down like rain Washing my eyes to see Your majesty♫ that I truly marvel at Your love for us.

Let’s take what is going on inside me these past several… I was going to say days, but as I look at it more closely it’s not even weeks. Or months. Years. No. It’s decades! Again it comes back to the need of living vertically. Looking to YOU for the strength and power and courage to change ‘double standard’ existence.

Lord, I have lived the bulk of my lifetime attempting to make people happy and avoiding conflict at all costs. I know that that is not Your purpose for me. You have far greater things for me than the fear of rocking boats. This is NOT to say that I’m in any hurry to take on the antithesis (opposite) characteristics of this ingrown nature.

Ingrown. As in, toenail. Painful. Oh but God. You are full of such provision. You provide our every need. Way back in the days of Your people (the Israelites) wandering the desert those forty years (see Your Book of the Exodus) Your provision was pure perfection.

Lord, I look to You. I take my cue from You. And You provide. After a few tense days of misunderstanding around here, the air is clear. Holding on to Your Word that I am to respect my husband, You provided exactly the words and the tones to allow us to get past the stumbling blocks. Thank You Lord.

Thank You that in Exodus (16:32) You commanded Moses to give Your people these instructions, “Take two quarts of manna and keep it forever as a treasured memorial of the Lord’s provision. By doing this, later generations will be able to see the bread that the Lord provided in the wilderness when He brought you out of Egypt.”

The commentary I find to this story is that Your people ‘failed to believe that You would meet their needs. They lacked faith in Your power and still didn’t understand their privileges as Your people. But You faithfully provided for them anyway, and the people’s faith was given further reason to grow. The example of God’s gracious provision should encourage us to seek help during the wilderness periods of our own life.’

Mm. And You did exactly that for me just now Lord. Decades of wandering the wilderness of much of my own making I still get to experience the wonder of following You. Thank You Lord. Thank You for Your wondrous, generous provision of our every need.

I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(535 words ~ 10:20 a.m.)

fairness

Monday, March 8, 2010 (2:48 a.m.)

Awesome, Amazing, Exciting, Wonderful God of Glory,

When was the last time I woke up this excited to come out here to learn from You? I honestly don’t remember. But here it is once again, that feeling of being truly agog [very eager or curious to hear or see something] with You.

Thank You Lord. Thank You that yesterday at church we were able to experience an extremely gifted musician named Trevor Davis, who according to a webpage written about him says, “My lyrics are a reflection of where I’m at in the process of becoming who I’m made to be”. He is also the same young man who introduced me to the idea of ‘living vertically’.

Lord, what a thought! So often I get caught up in seeking the approval of others. I compare myself and my offerings to what I see other people being or doing. According to this highly animated and talented child of Yours in yesterday’s service, that’s living horizontally.

Lord, I DO want to live for You. Through You!

Recently I’ve been thinking about having a single (vertical) standard in my life. Your cross has got to be that standard! I can’t continue trying to keep the peace around me. For far too long Dear Lord, I have truly believed it was up to me to make everyone come to the point where they could understand and get along with one another. That’s not my job is it Lord?

Thank You that You are such a good and gracious God that You will let us run full bore in ridiculous directions until we finally exhaust ourselves and come limping or collapsing at the foot of Your cross. What a wonderfully loving God You are!

Lord, I was faced with the question yesterday of what I covet. I confess, Lord, I covet fairness. Balance. A system where everyone does what they are supposed to.

How naïve am I? Or would a better word be misread? Unlearned?

Chapter 11 in the Book of Isaiah is titled ‘Promises of a Perfect Ruler’. Verses 1-5 tells, “The royal line of David will be cut off, chopped down like a tree; but from the stump will grow a Shoot – yes, a new Branch from the old root. And the Spirit of the Lord shall rest upon Him, the Spirit of wisdom, understanding, counsel, and might; the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the Lord. His delight will be obedience to the Lord. He will not judge by appearance, false evidence, or hearsay, but will defend the poor and the exploited. He will rule against the wicked who oppress them. For He will be clothed with fairness and with truth.”

Lord, I look to You. Vertically. Help me keep looking to You for the fairness I covet. Mm. How nice of You to provide the perfect song for me along these very lines. ♫Let the glory of the Lord, rise among us, let the glory of the Lord, rise among us. Let the praises of the King rise among us, Let it rise♫

As the melody continues the words change to ‘the songs of the Lord, the joy of the King’ and I look again to You asking, seeking, knocking that I could experience Your fairness this day Dearest Lord. I look to You in my quest to “live vertically”!

I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(574 words ~ 6:45 a.m.)

washing

Sunday, March 7, 2010 (6:40 a.m.)

Mom’s Family Room

Good Beautiful Morning Lord,

What a gorgeous, clear looking view for the day. Fresh snow covers the mountains. Trees and grass are wonderfully clean after a new washing.

Hmm, washing. Not at all the word I was looking for. Thank You Lord! Thank You for never ceasing to surprise me.

Reading about husbands and wives was not at all what I expected this morning Lord. But, oh, what a reminder! Ephesians 5:25-26, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word.”

Oh most Dear and Wonderful Lord. Oh to be made as holy and clean as that!

“And to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless.” (v.27) Mm, yes Lord ~ without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, holy and blameless. Mm, yes Lord, please!

“In this same way husbands ought to love their wives…” (v.28) What a profound example Lord. To love and be loved just as You do the church (29). This I ask today Lord, that You will work in and through me to respect my husband (v.33) as You desire.

I love You so much Dear Lord. Let that love show through by my treatment of others. I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(239 words ~ 7:38 a.m.)

fellowship

Saturday, March 6, 2010 (6:14 a.m.)

Loving Lord,

Good morning. Thank You for LOTS of rest, dreams and fizzy drink packets. Thank You Lord that I get to come before You with the silliest of concerns (see yesterday’s entry) and every single aspect of any day.

Lord, I love that You love me so much that You came so we in turn could have fellowship with Our Father which art in heaven. These are truths that are far beyond my understanding. I accept and believe them because I want to. Help me learn to share and explain with others the love You have for each of us.

Dr. Luke describes this type of loving fellowship in his book of Acts. Lord, I ask You to speak to me clearly this morning as I take a look through Luke’s history of the acts of Your apostles.

Lord, I confess to basing my beliefs and actions through the years more on assumptions that I’ve made about You than on the clear reality of Your Living Word. Blessed Lord, I look to You asking to know more of what it truly means to have ‘the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all’ (2 Corinthians 13:14).

I know I get glimpses. I see evidences of Your goodness and Your grace all around me. I KNOW You are real! I trust. But I confess to You Lord, I also pretend. I often act as if I know what I’m talking about.

Lord, I turn to Acts 2:42 entitled, “The Fellowship of the Believers” and I know I want to live my life like that. “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.”

Keep guiding and directing me Lord. Continue the changes You are making in me every moment of every day. I love You so much and I truly look forward to all that You have for me to become.

Thank You Lord for all the luxuries You provide for me ~ including little fizzy drink packets! J

I love You. Amen.

(362 words ~ 7:39 a.m.)

instincts

Friday, March 5, 2010 (1:29 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

I confess. I’d rather be sleeping right now. And I think I would if I’d followed my instincts about buying more of the fizzy vitamin drink mix that has staved off colds for me in the past. I couldn’t decide if I should stick with what I know, or try something less expensive, so I bought nothing.

Rather than continuing to lay in bed wishing I’d bought something so the sore throat would go away, I’m here. Bringing this potential cold to You.

I confess Lord. This is a stretch for me. I feel unnaturally selfish. I don’t want to catch a cold. I allowed the price of an item to determine whether I would buy it and now I am regretting my indecision.

Teach me Lord. Help me learn to determine what is Your leading and not my own thinking. Reading Jude’s warning of the danger of false teachers in his letter to all believers everywhere, Lord I ask that You would equip me to ‘build up my life ever more strongly upon the foundation of our holy faith, learning to pray in the power and strength of the Holy Spirit’ (v. 20).

Oh most dear and blessed Lord, as my nose clears just a little and my throat feels a bit less scratchy, it’s to You I turn with the myriad of indecision I tend to debate within myself. Teach me Lord “to pray in the power and strength of the Holy Spirit” that I would be able to clearly distinguish between Your will and my own instincts.

I love You Lord. Thank You for this very early time together. May I have some more sleep now please? I love You. Amen.

(288 words ~ 2:44 a.m.)

names

Thursday, March 4, 2010 (5:41 a.m.)

Blessed Lord, Holy God, Wonderful Savior,

Mm, the list just continues. Father. Friend. Teacher. ♫Jesus. Name above all names. Beautiful Savior. Glorious Lord. Emmanuel. God is with us. Blessed Redeemer. Living Word♫

Oh Your Goodness God! What joy, what hope, what life is found in You! Thank You Lord. Thank You for continuing to draw me closer to You each day. Thank You for the opportunity to get to know You better. Thank You for the process of getting to love You even more.

I read Your Word and I continue to be amazed. Little did I know… Yes! Little have I ever known when it comes to You. I’ve attempted to put You in boxes of my own understanding through the years. Thank You God that You are so much bigger. Grander. Greater. Perfect.

Take right now for example. I had no idea what You had for me this morning. Coming here as an act of willing obedience, with no preconceived notion of where we’d go together I find myself literally wanting to jump into Your Word. Turning to 2 Thessalonians 1:12 because of the song above, I am excited as well as comforted all at the same time.

Lord, I love when You teach me new things! I confess that I am not usually the least bit pleasant about being flattened and stretched. But the very moment I recognize the tiniest spark of new growth, I am honestly ‘agog’ with You. Excited and eager to tell!

Like now. Reading the whole of this first chapter I am torn between truly wishing I could have somehow been there upon the original reading of this letter from Paul and wanting to run wildly out telling people, “You’ve got to see this!”

Verse 11 begins it all for me, “With this (Christ’s return) in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of His calling, and that by His power He may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith.” Oh that You would count me worthy of Your calling, Lord. And by Your power fulfill every good purpose You have set for me.

Oh but it doesn’t stop there. It just keeps getting better! Verse twelve, “We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”

It’s Your grace that keeps us going Lord. Reading other translations has me feeling giddy and excited and ready to take on whatever it is You have for me. The Message says, “Because we know that this extraordinary day (when the Master comes) is just ahead, we pray for you all the time – pray that God will make you fit for what he’s called you to be, pray that He’ll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving Himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving Himself freely.”

Oh Dearest Lord. Oh that my life would honor Your name. Your name that is above ALL names! I love You so much. Take me. Teach me. Make me obedient to Your will. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(575 words ~ 6:53 a.m.)

forgiveness

Tuesday, March 2, 2010 (6:17 a.m.)

Blessed Lord,

You teach. I think I learn. There’s a challenge. I fall right back into old behaviors. Forgive me Lord.

I had a choice. I knew I it right when I made it. I chose distance, resentment, negative thoughts and grudge holding. Thank You Lord that even though I chose those, I didn’t have to stay there. I get to come before You confessing my bad choices and asking for forgiveness.

Thank You Lord for a wonderful, couldn’t have been better, anniversary trip. Thank You for the opportunity to share it with our kids. Thank You for time away together. Thank You for the blessings You so freely provided us.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010 (6:46 a.m.)

Thank You even for my decision yesterday to behave badly. Pitching a fit, attempting to shut down feelings, all those things do not help when what I really need is obedience to Your will, Your way, Your Word.

Thank You Father that I get to keep making mistakes and coming back to You saying, “Thank You for that as well”.

Lord, I love You so much. I try way too hard to live my life in and through my own resolve. Thank You that You teach us that that is not Your best for us.

When confronted the other night with the choice to forgive or to resent, I chose badly. Most of yesterday I continued in that vein. Thank You Lord that even while there, I was uncomfortable and knew that it was not what I wanted. There again I kept looking at myself for the power to make the change.

Lord, thank You that You are so much greater, far more wonderful than the limit I continue placing on Your power. Thank You that in ♫turning my eyes to You, looking full in Your wonderful face, the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of Your glory and grace♫

Oh hallelujah Lord that Your call to forgiveness is so powerful! Take offense? And feel angry, resentful and mean. Forgive and be free!

Thank You Lord that Dr. Luke recorded Your command to offer unlimited forgiveness (17:4) to one another. Thank You that You spoke these words knowing the importance of a forgiving nature. Thank You for reminding me how impossible it is for me to just set my mind on becoming a person who forgives freely and regularly, without relying first on You to provide every single thing I require to actually become that person.

Help me walk closer to You, trusting and depending on You for every ounce of power I need to accomplish such a seemingly impossible feat as learning to actually be a person in whom forgiveness reigns supreme.

Lord, I love You so much. Thank You for Your perfect love that is built on Your constant and continual message of forgiveness. Thank You. I love You. Amen.

(485 words ~ 7:38 a.m.)

Gift

Monday, March 1, 2010 (7:ish a.m. CST)

Liberty Park Hilton Garden Inn #627

Birmingham, AL

Beloved God,

Thank You! Thank You for an incredible anniversary trip ~ spent with our children. Wow, God! What a gift! An absolutely genuine, precious gift. Thank You Lord.

Thank You for time to be together. Time to listen. Time to celebrate. Time to share. Oh Most Dear and Blessed God, thank You!

Thank You too (MORE) for the gift of Your Word. Turning in Deuteronomy (16:17) to where the people of Israel were told to give to You what they were able, according to the blessings given to them by You. I was stopped by several other verses as well, particularly four and five from chapter six.

“Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul and all your strength.”

I know these words from Jesus having quoted them back to one of the teachers of religious law when asked, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?” (Mark 12:28)

Lord, I am blessed that I get to read Your Word almost anytime I want. Taking the opportunity right now is yet another gift.

Teach me Lord. Show me how You would have me share such a gift as this with others. Lord I love You so very much and I am indeed incredibly grateful to the Gift You are to the world! Thank You Lord. I love You. Amen.

(254 words ~ 8:02 a.m. CST)

experience

Saturday, February 27, 2010 (8:44 a.m. EST)

Airport Embassy Suites #415

Atlanta, GA

Most Beloved God ~

Thank You! Thank You for this husband that loves me so much. Thank You for the growth between us over these past three and a half plus decades. Thank You that because of the hands-on experience we’ve had with our love for one another, it has given us just the tiniest inkling of what it is to be loved by You. A love so great that we can’t even begin to understand it.

Take yesterday for instance Lord. We were traveling nicely about our business, with the direction our GPS had set for us. When seemingly for no reason, we were instructed to make a turn that we didn’t understand. We followed that road for a bit, all the while wondering what it was about. Agreeing that we should turn around and go back the way we were originally headed, once again I found myself in tears.

First of all, I was amazed at my much-loved husband’s positive attitude concerning what seemed to be a pointless detour. Then I was overcome with emotion as he gave YOU the credit for quite possibly having saved us from the fairly dramatic accident involving a tractor trailer slipping off its rear axel just moments before.

His reactions to ALL of this were without a doubt due to Your direct work in him. In us, through the years.

Now, as I turn in Hebrews (11:5) to read of Enoch’s not having had to experience death, I start off by reading verse one’s description of faith.

Reading just across the page of Terry’s Men of Integrity Promise Keepers Bible (given to him by our much-loved daughter) is Hebrews 10:24, “Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds.”

Oh most precious Lord God, I just want ALL of You in me! In my own strength and power, I have yet to develop a memorization technique that keeps these verses readily available for when I need access to them.

Turning just one page back I’m at the beginning of Hebrews chapter 10. Starting at verse 11 I read of being under the old covenant. Reading to verse 15 I find “the Holy Spirit also testifies this is so.” A quote from Jeremiah 31:33-34 picks up RIGHT where I was with You yesterday. “‘But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel on that day,’ says the Lord. ‘I will put my laws in their minds, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. And they will not need to teach their neighbors, nor will they need to teach their family, saying ‘You should know the Lord.’ For everyone, from the least to the greatest, will already know me,’ says the Lord. ‘And I will forgive their wickedness and will never again remember their sins.’”

Ah, most Dear and Holy God, what an incredibly wonderful God You are! The following section in Hebrews 10 (v.19) is “A Call to Persevere” another thing You have been teaching me lately ~ “Never Give Up!”

Thank You Lord! Thank You for teaching and guiding, loving and leading us, all the while making us into the people You want most for us to be.

We love You so much Dear Lord. Thank You. Amen

(573 words ~ 9:34 a.m. EST)

yearning

Friday, February 26, 2010 (8:33 a.m. CST)

Liberty Park Hilton Garden Inn #626

Birmingham, AL

Good Morning Blessed Lord ~

This is all very unexpected. I am feeling sad. Desperately sad. On the verge of tears. Repeatedly. And just by admitting that to You, they are starting to form. My fear is that if I allow them to fall, they won’t stop.

I don’t want to go there. Instead I will thank You. Thank You for thirty-three years of marriage to a man who truly loves me. Thirty-three years of mistakes and “I’m sorry” and laughter and loving and learning and yearning.

Yes Lord. “My heart yearns within me” (Job 19:27 NKJV) “I am overwhelmed at the thought (of seeing You with my own eyes)!” (NLT).

Psalm 84:2, “My soul yearns, even faints for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.”

Oh Most Dear and Blessed Lord ~ You are so good to us and we fail so wretchedly. Isaiah 26 sings a song of praise to You. Verse 9, “My soul yearns for You in the night; earnestly I seek for God.” Oh that we would, Dear Lord! Oh, that we would truly seek for You!

And as if that weren’t enough emotional food for thought ~ now the tears are streaming down my face. Speak to me clearly here Lord. As I read “Rachel’s Sadness Turns to Joy” starting at Jeremiah 31:15. Rachel wept for her children. Refusing to be comforted.

See? I KNEW this was going to happen! Here come the sobs!

Lord ~ You are SO good to us! Verse 16, “But now the Lords says, ‘Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you. Your children will come back to you from the distant land of the enemy. There is hope for your future,’ says the Lord. ‘Your children will come again to their own land.’”

Blessed God ~ I am not going to read ANY thing into this except the reality that You knew my mommy heart was breaking for my babies this morning and I turned to You in the midst of it.

Thank You Lord! Thank You that the biggest blessing to me along with verse 32, which speaks of the love You have for Your errant people ~ “…as a husband loves his wife” (Happy Anniversary!) is found in verse 20.

All the other verses this morning have related to us yearning for You. Here instead I find YOU yearning for me!

Jeremiah 31:20, “‘Is not Israel still my son (Laura still my daughter), my darling child?’ asks the Lord. ‘I had to punish him (her) but I still love him (ME). I yearn for him and surely will have mercy on him.’”

Oh Dearest Lord, I read before and after this verse of turning back to You and being restored “for You alone are the Lord my God” (v.18). Verse 21 tells of setting up road signs and guideposts. And a path well marked.

Dearest, dearest Lord ~ as my tears stop and start again. As my heart and soul grow stronger with hope ~ I put all my fearful “What if” and “If only” on You. I bring them to You Lord. Every mistake of the past I offer back to You Lord, with Your promise to Your people (of which I AM one!) “How long will you wander my wayward daughter? For the Lord will cause something new and different to happen ~ Israel will embrace her God” (v.22).

Lord, how I pray that Your “something new and different” translates to something wonderful and exciting! How I pray that the mistakes I caused in my own understanding of things can truly be ‘worked together for the good of those who love you and are called according to Your purpose for them’ (Romans 8:28).

Be SO much bigger than my mistakes Lord. Use them. Use me! I love You Lord. Thank You. Amen.

(661 words ~ 9:55 a.m. CST)